Sorrow comes in various circumstances. Its timing is never perfect. It often brings more sorrow upon sorrow. My father died of heart issues after escaping death multiple times. This left my mother with a big piece of property full of junk to dispose of and days upon weeks of work to prepare her home for sale and move into an apartment. It was enough sorrow for me that my father was gone, but add to that the sorrow of watching my mother not dealing well with the loss not to mention the mess he left behind for her to handle. Then add to that sorrow, the sorrow all the memories for her and for me as things were tossed into a dumpster or sold.
“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,
the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort,
who comforts us in all our troubles,
so that we can comfort those in any trouble
with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.”
II Corinthians 1:3-4
People think they’re being comforting and encouraging when they repeat trite sayings at a time of sorrow due to death. You know the ones: He/she is in a better place. Or God doesn’t give you anything you can’t handle. Is that really comforting?! Sure, we know that if the deceased person knew the Lord as their Savior that they are most definitely in a “better place” in Heaven than in hell. But does that make the loss any less painful? No. Of course we know God is always there and gives us strength to handle life, but at such times rather than empty words, the comfort of a loving arm, listening ear, or practical help such as meals and an extra pair of hands is extremely meaningful and comforting.
I always say that when I go through something, it is so that I can help someone in the same or similar situation down the line, and it never ceases to amaze me how true that is. My mother went to be with the Lord less than two years after my father and I found myself once again going through the same earthly possessions that she kept from the house. After that, I told my kids that they would never have to go through my stuff like that. First of all, I don’t horde things like my parents did, and second, I tend to get rid of things I don’t use rather than keeping them.
Peace in sorrow is when you’re at peace even when you’ve lost someone or something close to you. After my mother died, I had a short turnaround time to empty her apartment to avoid having to pay another month’s rent. I worked practically day and night to accomplish that along with help from family and friends. In the midst of that, I was making arrangements for her funeral. The night before the viewing/funeral was to take place, the funeral director asked me to sit down for a minute, and he told me how amazed he was at the peace and calmness I had. This gave me an opportunity to share with him that it comes from Christ’s peace within me which of course being a non-believer he did not understand. But that is exactly what peace in sorrow is—peace even while going through the sorrow of a loved one leaving us. I knew I would see my parents again one day in Heaven, so it was more of a see you later than a good-bye.
Sure I mourned their loss, cried a lot, and wished I’d had more time. But the underlying peace is what made it bearable and what got me through. So now when someone I know sorrows or needs comfort, I have my own experiences to draw on, and know what to say and what not to say, what to do, and how to comfort and encourage. I can emulate God’s peace to others because of the peace I hold inside.